Gwyneth Paltrow’s weekly publication/website “Goop” is often mocked for pushing ludicrously priced products, strange recipes and outlandishly bizarre beauty tips such as V-Steams — a spa treatment that cleanses a customer’s lady parts.
Gwyneth, any lady living in Las Vegas in the summer can tell you- vagina steaming is not a relaxing luxurious beauty treatment.
New York author Gabrielle Moss took inspiration from Paltrow’s strange lifestyle tips and went like 20 steps further in her hilarious book, Glop, a scathingly funny parody of the actress’ brand.
‘Glop: Nontoxic, expensive ideas that will make you look ridiculous and feel pretentious’ presents a laugh-out-loud inducing bevy of beauty and lifestyle ideas such as adding bees to your morning smoothie, make-at-home stem cell moisturizing repair masques and preparing bone broth from the femur of an acclaimed young actress.
“Glop is a business and a website. But Glop is also a feeling. It’s about picking the right expensive organic eye cream that will make you a tall, thin, wealthy blonde WASP who fits seamlessly into the top tiers of high society and sits next to Bono at a 42-course seitan tasting dinner held in a sex dungeon deep beneath the North Pole. Glop is about being conscious to the tiny details of our lives—what to eat, where to buy your cashmere yoga pants, which juice cleanse will remove the most mercury toxins from both your body and your cashmere yoga pants. Glop is about you.”
Gabrielle’s book is divided into chapters mimicking Gwyneth’s site sections and covers everything from parenting advice, spirituality, fitness, travel, culture and fashion.
Seriously this book is funnier with every page flip- like the Devil Wears Prada of new age elitist life advice.
There are tips on detoxes, like the Raw Raw Honey Detox, which is designed to result in “your urine [becoming] a viscous golden rope” at the end of the week, and also advises that if you can’t do any of the suggested detoxes, to just get your assistant to do them for you. If you’re more into financial advice the chapter “The Universe’s #1 Financial Law: If You’re Poor It’s Because You Keep Thinking About Being Poor” is just for you or for those dabbling in decor try “Decor I Would Never Personally Buy, but Maybe It Would Look Nice in Your Smaller Home”.
Glop is a grab a pretentious cocktail and don’t take yourself so seriously must-read! This scathingly humorous parody pokes fun at the extravagant, elitist and full on ridiculousness of the website we all love to hate.
Guaranteed to put a smile on your face page after page.
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