‘Twas a Fashionable night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Marc by Marc Jacobs Slipper Mouse
The Agent Provocateur stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds wearing their Organic Cotton Long John PJ’s from Hanna Andersson
While visions of Philosophy’s Sugar Plum Fairy Shampoo, Bubble Bath and Body Wash danced in their heads
And mamma in her Henri Bendel kerchief
and I in my Goorin Cap
Had just settled our brains for a long winters nap
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed in my TOPMAN Jersey Cotton Lounge Pants to see what was the matter.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below (so I had to put on my John Varvatos Sunglasses)
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled (with his Marc by Marc Jacobs Brass Whistle), and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Fashionable books, toys, and St Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in Burberry, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot (but he could get that out with The Laundress Stain Solution)
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his Tumi Alpha Travel pack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! (probably from his Collyre Bleu eyedrops!)
his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow (although he could fix that with MIN New York’s Men’s home hair color kit)
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump (but has plans to do a BluePrint Cleanse after the first),
a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”